pinball brain

You know how when toddlers get quiet, you suspect something is amiss? Well, my lack of blog posts say the same thing about me.  My mind has been, shall we say, a little off kilter?!

I like to call it pinball brain. When I am under a certain amount of tension, my thoughts ping around in no linear fashion; once in a while hitting their target, mostly falling short and definitely going all over the place.

So without further ado, my friends, you will get a glimpse into the madness that has been pinging around. Have fun! 🙂

~ I promise, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye (why, oh why, did we ever say things like that as kids?! Talk about macabre rhymes!) to NEVER, EVER again give any other woman the “elevator stare”. I observed this phenomenon twice in the same Trader Joe’s shopping trip and it was disturbing. It’s a catty woman thing- up and down the eyes go, scanning body type, hair and possible outfit blunders- mostly in an effort to make sure your posterior looks better than hers. Female to female elevator looks are NOT innocently motivated. Trust me.

~ On a slightly related note, please, please can we make some rules regarding the legging trend? Like, if I can READ your underwear THROUGH your leggings, you need to change (or wear a longer shirt)! Those are tights not leggings. For Pete’s sake. I now know that my optometrist’s receptionist bought her skivvies in the PINK section of Victoria’s Secret! Her butt said it 20 times.

~  My new job is spending every morning in the presence of 12 three-year olds. I love it! My heart melted when one little girl said (after knowing me for a few short hours), “Teacher, I love you.”  Preschoolers are the most accepting, non-judgemental types. They don’t care what you look like or if you have coffee breath. They love you. As a side note, I have wiped copious amounts of snot on faces, smelled strange odors wafting up from nether regions and I was called, “Teacher Poo-poo” today. Little cuties.

~ Raising kids sucks- the life out of you sometimes. Toddlerhood for its ever active, always exhausting, temper tantrum phase, had nothing on teenagers… But seriously, I pretty much have been through a proverbial meat grinder emotionally this past month with child issues. You pour heart and soul into them, then (some of them) grow up, take your heart and stomp on it. I am left picking up the pieces, while mentally batting down all the evil voices in my head telling me I failed, am a loser and I did everything wrong. Guilt can kill all sense of joy, but I fight it tooth and nail, knowing God loves my kids WAY more and WAY better than I ever could anyways.

~ God is good. I don’t always FEEL it though especially when I find out that a sweet friend is likely to lose both parents within the same year to cancer. I don’t feel it when a friend calls and says her daughter ran away. That is why, I am increasingly convinced to know God better- to understand Him as best I can, study His nature, character and attributes. Knowing how very good He is, feeling HOW much grace He pours out on undeserving me and seeing His providential work in my daily life makes me awestruck. For real.

~ And finally, music. I love it. Words, notes, melodies, instruments, tempos- they speak to my inner person like nothing else can. Lately, I’ve been enjoying a cornucopia of sounds and especially liking newcomer Lorde (even before she won all the Grammy awards) and This Song.Who can be sad listening to this?

2 thoughts on “pinball brain”

  1. i always love listening to your thoughts…pinball and all. but i’m similar. when i’m most blog-quiet it’s because thoughts are bounding to and fro in confusion.

  2. Before reading the above comment, my first thought was “I love it!” I like to read how your mind pings around. I should try writing my pings down sometime – like a stream of consciousness.

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